Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Intelligent Design...Flaws?

Let me get this straight. We have a group of people who are claiming that we are all here because of a thing called Intelligent Design? Well, I am sorry but that is one of those things that make me go hmmm. Apparently, their argument, that you, God, literally, created everything in 6 days,
is Intelligent Design. If that were true it would be absolutely brilliant! However, the flaw in their argument is that it leaves out about 95 % of the world's population, because, you know of course, according to their explanations about you, Adam was a white European male who just happened to be lost in the Middle East.

Maybe that was just one of the teensiest, weensiest mistakes in your design plan? I am sure, if you had taken the time to use a few more days, say 8 or 9 instead of 6, you would have seen the error in this plan and plunked Adam down in mid-town Manhattan where he would have had fast access to everything and would not have had to make up some story about a snake and an apple in order for yo to let him out of the boring Garden of Eden. And, with that, Adam set the precedent for a child's capability to tick off their parents.

And yet, perhaps, God had several small errors in his game plan for humanity. For example, if you had created Big Pharma before Cain and Abel, then there would have been some pretty awesome drugs available to Cain and his social anxiety could have been Prozaced or Valiumed and it would have saved Abel's life. Just a thought, God, but you know, it might have been a dandy plan.

Another thing, while we are on the subject. Was it really necessary to send Cain East of Eden? Well, I suppose, there would have been a hew and cry from all the NIMBY'S, if you had decided to incarcerate him then and there. So I guess you did have a good plan with that. Better to get him out of town, to an unknown location where the locals didn't know he was a bad egg and they welcomed him, allowed him to carry on and even let him marry one of the local girls.

By the way, I have been meaning to ask you about that. When did you create all those people in the Land of Nod? I bet it was on that 7th day. You just sort of snuck off when no one was looking, and thought you were resting. Good plan! No one has ever given it much serious thought as far as I can tell. But, there are still a few things which have me puzzled, so see if you can help me out here, would you?

If you were going to make so much water, why is it necessary to take swimming lessons? Wouldn't it have been easier to just make us all amphibious? After all, swimming lessons cost money, so sometimes it is a toss up between those and new school shoes. Dang it! It also might have been easier for anyone who had a second home on a piece of waterfront property. No need to fear the flooding. They could just stay where they are and keep right on barbecuing. Well, wait, the barbecuing wouldn't work, but then everything is a trade off, right?

I am glad, however, that you got the animal thing under control. Those dinosaurs were just plain ridiculous! The thought of potentially having the world's mothers really ticked off with you had to have been just daunting. It is hard enough to get most mothers to agree to a dog or a cat, never mind a T-Rex or a Brontosaurus, and I am sure you came to the same conclusion. Getting rid of them was a plus for sure. They were just WAY too big and we all know where bigness leads. Bigger freezers to accommodate Wooly Mammoth cuts of beef. Bigger houses to accommodate the bigger freezers, bigger cars with bigger bumpers to strap the kill onto. Well, the possibilities for hugeness are endless.

Perhaps the most puzzling thing to me is, why all the bother of creating scientists? Although I suppose if we look at it as the ultimate Scavenger Hunt we might be onto something? To leave endless clues to things...sometimes not EVEN a clue had to have taken years in the planning. And, to have had this great big, beautiful world to look for the clues in has been a pretty terrific part of it. What an awesome job! Now that has got to be the ultimate in intelligence...and sharing. After all, you wanted us to learn to share and a good parent teaches by example, no? All those scientists and discoverers and inventors are glad you left some things for them to do, although at times they have squabbled, been a tad testy with each other, all in all it has pretty much been fun and rewarding for them.

Some of the things that they are glad about are the clues in the rocks and dirt so that we could tell when things started off. (Psst...some people have a hard time believing that you are a few billion years old though...something other than the dirt and rock clue might have been nice). Also, the ape thing was not the smartest move. I think if you had, had us evolve from something like say, a whale, it might have covered that amphibious thing as well. The down side to that though, would have been that size thing, so perhaps the monkey was your best bet.

But hey, hindsight is always 20/20 isn't it?